A few weeks ago, I was given a spiritual assignment: ask God what is blocking you from receiving his love and knowing your worth in his eyes. I asked… Here are what I perceive to be two answers:
The first has to do with Psalm 139. It speaks about our worth in God’s eyes. A friend recommended it months ago. So I began praying with it – several times focusing on the first line, “O Lord, thou hast searched me and known me.”
“Known me” reminds me of a situation I was in a few years ago when I felt like experienced the opposite. I was away from home at a 9-week course with mostly people I had never met. There was an instructor I had some things in common with and desired to strengthen the bond, but it never came to fruition. I felt frustrated on a few levels; I don’t understand them all, but two apply. One, I was seeking a sense of worth from another person (which often leads to frustration because they don’t have the Ultimate say). Also, I felt like there was no “natural” opportunity for this person to learn what we had in common – in that sense, I felt “unknown.”
In the psalm, God seems to address these frustrations. For one, he assures me that I am known. And I think at a much deeper level than just my experiences/talents/etc. He knows me. And he has searched me. To me that says that he has spent some time on me. That I am worthy of his time and effort. And that I have great value to him.
So that’s the first answer to repairing what is blocking me from receiving God’s love and worth – KNOWING he knows and values me. The second has to do with forgiveness. One of the ways this has been happening is through the “4-minute challenge.”
Prior to Lent, one of our deacons encouraged us to read and ponder Scripture or spiritual reading four minutes a day. “Not 3, not 5 – four.” I liked and took the challenge. Two people had generously given me the same devotional, something I am not usually drawn to, but re-considered after second gifting – plus it’s short. So I have been reading it and pondering what it says to me in the area of forgiveness (a recurring theme of Mass readings before Lent) in these “bite-size” ways. My favorite part has been seeking and experiencing forgiveness in areas of guilt.
Maybe your saying, “Favorite part – really?” Of course it’s not fun to recognize something I feel guilty about. But there’s nothing like realizing that God wants to forgive me for something that deep down I did not think was forgivable. That’s a burden lifted. And once one area of guilt is forgiven, others become possibilities too. Freer and freer.
So those are the two answers I am getting to receiving love and worth – knowing I’m deeply known/valued and deeply forgiven. Blessed and healthy Holy Week and Season to you and family.
Latest posts by Father John March (see all)
- Known and Forgiven - April 7, 2020
- The Hidden Life - January 2, 2020
- Hoops and Lenten Hopes - March 5, 2019
